Feelings Graveyard...

Fighting an abrupt onset of tears

The claustrophobic me, fame desirous

Attitude, vanity, pride – a way insidious

Buried deep in a trough of fears

Seething rage, thrusting pain, frantic cries

Appreciation, admiration – all transformed lies

A shriek in the heart that rises and dies hard

Shouted, “Damned you, hated you – feelings graveyard”

Self hatred, self disrespect – a matter of the soul

“Your soul is critically ill, please heal it” – the cry cajoled

I will try my best to change, I gave my word

To live my life to the fullest as I tread forward…

The Forsaken Footprints on the Sand...

Hark, the hushing, rustling ring

The forsaken footprints on the sand

The dreary onset to a grim beginning

Romance setting in a faraway land

Innumerable attempts, promise of many dreams

Yet, my Cupid's arrow fated to miss

Off she trudged, twinkling her anklets

A tranquil face, a Mermaid's semblance

Some pretty lovely dreams for me to see

Off the shore clenching each other's hand

But behold, they still beseech me

The forsaken footprints on the sand...

An Ode to the Phoenix..

O supreme angel of love, thou hast

Conquered all hearts. So immensely ostentatious is

Thy beauty, so fetching is thy love

That thou reigns the pinnacle of all

Creations. Thou art the mirage in the

Sandy plains. Thou art the sun setting

In the yonder point. Nor Nymph nor Nereid

Fairy or Angel dost take thy place.

.

Thou lovest the fiery ball so much.

Thou reach out to him for love.

His fiery flames blazes thy mortal shape

Thou drown to the earth to fall

Asleep yet to start everything ab initio

Thoust one in all, all in one.

a vote for democracy..

“democracy without education is hypocrisy without illusion” – Issac Mirza.. read it in an inspirin writin in cls 8.. 2de wen kolkata votes I was reminiscent of my skul days wen d inane me kept on brandishing the abuses of democracy attributing the incompleteness of our nation’s progress 2 its indecisive way of administration.. but as de say, maturity brings abt a chnge in d thot process, I have suddenly taken 2 exhibitin pride in displayin d significant black dot at the corner of my index finger.. no matter wat, I reside in a democracy..

ya, I do.. n m blessed 2 b so.. no matter how frail it myt b, its realistic.. no mattr how frequently d polls are rigged, a billion does turn out 2 exercise a nationalistic right.. no mattr how dismal our politicians perform, v still root for them.. no mattr how high our wrath soar, v dnt really wana let go of an opportunity 2 b a part of d worlds’ biggest electoral process.. tats why democracy runs in the Indian blood..

v keep stumbling in our progress tym n agn n hav hardly bulged forward in dese 60 yrs of independence yet v r bettr off bein called a democratic n a republic wd a equal say 4 every1.. “koi v desh perfect nahi hota, use perfect banana parta hai” – Madhavan from Rang De Basanti.. I believe you.. n v really need 2 participate, fight for n rally behind the discerning figures pledging 2 take the country forward.. so, notwithstanding dis scorching heat, the serpentine lines in d booths, the long walk 2 to the polling statns, I have voted.. n I vl kp doin so subsequently.. for this is a very small errand tat I can do 4 the sake of the nation 2 show that .. I care.. 2de my vote goes 4 democracy..

back 2 business...

Interest in bloggin has suddenly taken a beating.. dnt actly knw why.. maybe the waning vocabulary.. maybe the excessive tym given 2 orkuttin n other pastimes.. maybe the lack of reading them.. maybe the lack of visitors.. a thousand probabilities, but none more fittin than plain indolence.. durin my visit 2 Tarapith ystrday i was debarred 4m the 3 most priceless accessories - the TV, the PC n the FM.. so had 2 indulge myself readin blogs in my cell.. n unbelievably, i had a jolly good tym.. bloggin all of a sudden seemed envious.. i had so much 2 write, so much 2 share, so much 2 spk of, so much 2 relate 2.. n m found groping 4 blogs, more n more of dem, until i kept cravin 4 dem back in d comforts of my orkut enabled PC.. lukd quite n effective drug! eh!.. so, i guess m back.. finally.. n dis tym wd renewed vigour n rekindled passion..

A blog tat i hav bn enthusiastically followin these days is tat of the fake ipl palyer.. he has bn a realistic outlet of all the closed-door atrocities prevalent in the Knightriders team.. he isnt doin a very good job - lettin out team secrets, i accept.. yet the team wdnt hav performed any bettr wdout him n his blogs, wd all d demoralising infightin, bloated egoes n unchcked anarchy tats pokin its face every now n then since the day the unimaginative owner in his filmi andaaz put absolute faith in his "Bhookha" hero who turned out 2 b more inefficient than a supporting junior artiste.. so, we find our very dear KKR drowned in oblivion, the diehards ventin their ire on der 1nc very promising star-owner.. personally i feel every step in the administration 4m players auction 2 d onfield strategy 2 "super over" players selection is direly flawed.. a whole list can b prepared whr the foreign adminstrtn went wrong.. well.. theirs hardly nethn tat cn b righted now.. officially, we r out of dis yr's cmptitn, unofficially we rnt evn a trace as competitive as our nearest neighbour on d points table.. truth, d very truth.. accept it.. n dis vl kp happenin agn n agn as long as v kp ditchin experienced cricketin mind replacing it wd "phoren babas".. quite obvious..

MY INCESSANT SEARCH FOR AN IDENTITY

The world calls me a medical student but I am ashamed of it. Medical students are supposed 2 b studious and hardworking. Then who am I? Some feel I m a nincompoop build on the bucks drained on me by my ever toiling parents. Some feel that sheer luck has played my trick. But believe me, I didn't want it. I never asked Him to be born as the only son to a very academic engineer with an influential social status and then rot my life under the pressure of responsibility. Responsibility of behavior, character, merit n so many other things.

Is studies, career, social status everything in life? Are we born just to fulfill our parents' and our society's expectations? Isn't there anything that would help us realize the absolute independence of the individual? I don't know. Even in today's very liberal world I am into medicine only because it's a responsible line and will catapult me into a secure future. Or more importantly, it is because my parents wanted it. And society? Well, society just rubbished me off even few years back, insulted whatever merit I might have possessed. Now that I am into medicine, I have, all of a sudden, become the cynosure of all and sundry. A laughing stock! Comparisons are always being drawn between me and dad. Did I ask for them? My dad was academic, fine, how does that imply that I should be academic as well. As far as MBBS is concerned, I m proud of that I could be a part of it. The students here are really talented and it's truly a glamorous line but somewhere, down the line, I feel maybe I don't fit it here.

So what did I actually want from life? Well, I don't really know. There were so many options, u know, some practical, some abstract. I wanted to enjoy my singular life time; I stand by "enjoy". I wanted to fly away into the clouds, the deep blue sky and make the moon my very own or dive into the depths of the ocean and play with the corals and just sail away or get carried away by the wind far, far away into the paradise of my dreams where there would be no cruelty, hatred, selfishness or competition. I don't want this fight for survival; whether I win or lose I just want to banish it.

But then the more I think of it I realize that who am I to do it? I am nobody. Neither can I effectively change anything n make it my way. Even after all the glam and appreciation, the slightest of soul-searching will expose that I am just yet another human soul fighting for the basic needs to sustain my existence on the planet.

Attitude Deficiency.. (only for college frnz, not ever1)

Thr r more thn jus a plethora of resns 4 wch I seem 2 admire Sanandam da.. Of late i hav begun 2 notice tat sum of his so-called thn indecipherable "philosophy" has suddenly strtd rattling der truth in my mind.. one day he had said, dis is a rural college, d mindset of ppl here is unfashionable, all dogmatic ways of thinkin gain precedence in der rural outlook.. Yestrday, Partha commented, "ekhane lokjn k chokhe angul diye fusto dewa hoy".. Blv me, 1 yr back I wd hav revolted; no more 2de.. I accept.. I accept tat i study in a very stupid college whr ppl hav lost der sense f reasonin behind der mountain of books.. De hav 4gottn d very basic courtsy or d ryt sort of attitude tryin 2 memorize a whole lot of definitions n clinical procedures.. De hav diminished d human bein in demselves in a vain pursuit 2 furnish a career tat wd help human beins in der physically n mentally troubled tyms.. Sry, but dis is d very truth.. Maybe its bcz its a residential college confined 2 a rural township, but sadly, d ideas, d thot procedures, d point of views simply havnt progressed.. U see 1 gud lukin gal n ever1, 4m d most respctd senior 2 d ruffain lyk junior, wd try a hand at impressin d lass.. d gal is no more a heartly creature wd her own likes n dislykes, she at once bcms a precious object wch every predator wana own.. How dismal.. Teme wch 1 of dose did actually fall in love wd her.. None, abslty none.. Well, do ppl here undrstn wats love is all abt.. Had de, dey wdnt hav fallen 4 every new gal every new batch.. N d whole system is mechanised in tat way.. Every single boy is "frustrated" here jus 4 d stupid reasn tat he dsnt hav a galfrn, as if havin a galfrn is a status symbol or smthn tat wd mak u luk superior.. Dis "frustrations" is valved out with n urge 2 hav a gal by his side as soon as possble.. It hardly matters wat d gal thinks, d "senior" guy alwz makes his choice n d gal has 2 suffice.. Dis rule of d wilderness has simply destroyed d 'feel-good' factor tat cud hav reigned so decisively.. Dis hunger, dis greed has torn so many apart n continues 2 run its course messing up wd d respectability of every passout.. Dnt knw wen shall it chng.. Wen vl ppl learn tat love is a matter of d heart n cdnt b won by force.. Wen vl ppl learn tat marraiges r made in heaven n smde smwhr u vl surely meet ur ultimate sweetheart.. Wen vl ppl learn tat dis way u r makin both urself n gal unhappy by attemptin an impossible pairin.. Dis is wat our college is all abt.. A heaven of academics, a hell of attitude..

An Ode to the Maestro..

Every news channel, every FM studio, every website seems to be buzzing with this piece of national glory tat has been achieved today... Holdin the hands of a pied piper who smde almst had 2 leave music 2 fight poverty, the nation has come up knockin at the world's doorstep defying all who doubted its credibility on the world stage... Eight Academy Awards at a tym isnt a matter of joke and this unmatchable feat has actually bn made true by a team of dedicated professionals who showcased an Indian way of living onto one of the most coveted triumphs in film history... Leadin the pack is my favourite musician - Allah Rakha Rahman, the little master who has stuck the right chords tym and again in Bollywood and now into the world arena... puttin down his biography in dis blog wnt be interestn enuf as its on every1's lips 2de... He has left most great musicians bamboozled wd his dazzling work ever since the tym of Roja, Bombay to the modern Ghajini and now Delhi-6... Today the maestro has bn recognized on the international scene to the pride of all his fans and fellow Indians... Truly, 2de is a memorable day in history... As 4 me, I watched Slumdogs Millionaire twice through a pirated CD even b4 it was actually released in India on the 23rd of Jan... And believe me I was prepared 2 go to a multiplex and watch it a 3rd tym, it is tat good a movie... It simply brought out the truth abt India, the truth abt the slums in the financial capital of the country and how does a slum dweller use his real-life xperiences 2 build a knowledge bank tat wins him a collosal amount of money... The score has been awesome tat culminated in "Jai Ho" all the way to the Oscars... Its not very often tat v come across a movie of dis stature and it has rightfully won all hearts... And to all cynics, critcising the showcasing of Indian poverty to the world, plz try and appreciate a job well done... Winning a bunch of Academy Awards enhanced India's pride by many more ways than showcasin poverty wd hav lowered... Thnx Danny Boyle and thnx to all the cast and crew of Slumdogs Millionaire to hav made our nation proud... This is an earnest thnksgivin 4rm an average Indian who feels great today for your success... Thnk you...

Adversity away 4m home..

Burdwn did giv me quite a few things- one of dem bein asthma... n dis was evident wen i was practically dragged 2 d hospital at 1.30 in d nyt 2 relieve myself of my new disordr... cetirizine alrdy had a rude effect on my bronchial muscles n i was havin spasms all day... then a mini parthenium storm put d last nail in d coffin on tat fateful satrde 2 days 2 go 2 d 3rd sem... wen 8 puffs-at-a-tym asthalin dosage failed 2 comply, i was advsd immediate hospitalisation by a PGT in d hostel... i wd hav easily collapsed on d way, desperately gaspin 4 air in evry breath, fightn wd d elements 2 fill my lungs ... i cd feel my xpanding chest yet i wished it had more air in it n i cud breathe easy... i kept mumbling so tat i dnt faint, tryin 2 think of smthn else... 1nc at d hosp i trd 2 assure myself tat atlst nw m in a hosp n i shd hav lesser thngs 2 worry... doxofylline was injectd immediately yet thr was hardly n iota of improvement... forrair failed 2... finally de had 2 use d nebuliser... dat revived me... it was tat nyt tat brght out d diffrnc... d diffrnc of d comfort at home 4m tat at d hostel... here, i wd hav bn rushed 2 Belle Vue n thr wd surely had bn 1 of Maitra's wards attndin... thr, i had 2 evn hide d ntr thng 4m mani so tat she dsnt strt worryn al ovr agn as i cud hardly return home... lyf's tuf, at tyms truly tuf... bt thnk u partha, arup n shibu... thnx sincerely 4 bein by my side on tat eventful nyt...

Why dnt i study more?? Why...

2de is 22nd n its not evn 3 weeks 2 d 3rd sem... n luk at me.. baskin in d revelry at my pishir bari... d wrld seems so easy at tyms, every difficuty can be eased, every hardship cn b avoided, every worry cn b discarded, every puzzle cn b solved, every frustration cn b cnquered if n only if i do wats asked of me d most - "STUDY"... probly, its mst unfortunate of me tat i simply refuse 2 do it.. dnt knw y.. bt i jus dnt seem 2 hav d mood 2 do it, ven tho i hav d inspiration, d spirit, d encouragemnt.. i m plain indolent.. reluctant 2 study until m forced 2.. probly dis is xctly wats separates n aspirant 4m his objective.. i hav alrdy made a mess of so mny thngs in my lyf simply bcz i studied less.. n i jus refuse 2 chng.. probly dis diabolic habit vl kp me away 4m my drms all my lyf..

Birthday bash..

its bn a week snc my bday n atlst i hav found myself a date 4 my bde treat... january is alwz so ovrburdnd wd bde parties... anirban, tathagata, tanmoy, saptarshi, pratyusha... d list jus dsnt end... myn was on a frde n d 3rd of d week... 1 attribute tat papa wd love me 2 disown is my incredible efficiency of bein a excellent host... he has seen it b4 as well... n dis party was no diffrn... givn d circumstnces, thngs cd hav bn reduced tremndously bt i chose othrwse... o come on, its jus 4 more yrs in clg.. 10 yrs 4m now wen i vl b earnin lavishly i wd lament losin n opportunity 2 giv a wndrful party 2 my dear frnz... de r aftr all my family in d hostel... so i trd makin it a memorabl event... d rumour mills dnt stop wrkin at bmc n thr wer cmplexities here 2 n i had 2 chng plans n organise it in our canteen itself 2 avoid furthr unpleasnt situations... watevr it was, i loved d moment... i loved d smile on my frnz faces while de ate, i savoured d moment wen each 1 sd "oooo r koto khawabi re, r khete parchi na toh"... i enjoyd d moment wen sm1 sd "sabyasachi r bday khawa mone thakbe"... i hav made 2 diffrnce in der minds atlst 4 a nyt n tats wat gav me a lot of pleasure... 2de my frnz mean a lot 2 me... evn amongst all d cmptn aroun, evn amongst d altercations of "givin each odr fustu n all"; v liv as a family, 100 kms away 4m our respctv families... n i m really really proud 2 hav frnz lyk d 1ns i hav now... dnt knw how long can i cntinu dis wndrful reltnshps bt surely i love 2 saviour each n every moment tat i spent among dem coz de r amongst d most precious moments of my lyf...